your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
