I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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