Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
