I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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