this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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