I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
