Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
