Do you still have your period?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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