so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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