Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize