I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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