Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
