My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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