You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
