You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
