why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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