My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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