I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
