last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
