woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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