the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My life is pants optional.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
