ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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