Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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