I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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