I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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