He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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