Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
