sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
