Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I could fuck to npr.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
