I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
