I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sober January is a disaster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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