And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
