wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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