My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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