Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
