Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
