Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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