STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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