I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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