I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I want her autograph on my taint
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
