It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
