90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
