Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
