That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
