Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
