I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My vagina is very pro this idea
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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