She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
