He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
