you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
