You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
