I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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