I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
