Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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