just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
