I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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