i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
