I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Less talking, more tequila
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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