I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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