Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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