He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
