I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
