Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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