I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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