And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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