Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
not ubering you a puppy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
