i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
