we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
