Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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