I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Soap is not a condiment
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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