Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Panties = found
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
