Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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