Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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