how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
